Fat

Dear Elli,

Today I am hot.  Not "super good looking" kind of hot, but "really pissed off" kind of hot.  You'll never guess what you said to me. 

You said, "I'm not wearing my coat anymore because it makes me look fat."

You are four.  And you said that to me.  So I hate the world today.  Because you didn't learn that from me.  In fact, I've gone out of my way to make sure you will never learn that from me. 

You learned it from the world.  Somewhere out there.  And I hate it. Because it seems the whole world is worried about being fat.  Good Lord, what a waste of time. 

So your innocence is already being chipped away by the world.  And now you think your coat makes you look fat.  I have a newsflash for you: Your coat makes you look warm.  Not fat.  Your coat is actually very cute.  And so are you.

And here's another newsflash: People who obsess about their body fat are either incredibly damaged or incredibly self-absorbed.  Either way, they should be an object of your empathy, not of superiority or influence.  It's not cute.  It's sick. 

We've talked about this before.  Everyone is different.  Fat, skinny, white, brown, girl, boy.  All different. 

But I get it.  Fat is a bad word.  It's different than skin color or gender.  Nobody wants to be fat.  Because fat means ugly to the general public.  But that same general public thought martians were invading the earth because of a radio show in 1938.  And they also thought Sarah Palin might be a suitable Vice President.  The general public is stupid.  And prone to hysterical behavior. 

You are not the general public.  Neither am I.  We are individuals, and we conduct ourselves as such.  Fat is not something that should be obsessively occupying our thoughts.  Because it is irrelevant.  Instead, let's focus on our math skills.  Or the Target Christmas catalogue.  Or why Dora the Explorer wears the same outfit every day.  You know, the important stuff.

But I won't look you in the eye and pretend to be perfect.  I don't want to look fat in my coat, either.  Nobody does.  But at the end of the day, it truly doesn't matter. 

In fact, I'll bet someday when I'm dead, you won't care whether I looked fat or skinny in my coat.  You probably won't give that a second thought.  You'll remember our experiences together.  The best and worst experiences will be your most vivid memories, and it won't occur to you to remember how attractive I looked at the moment. You will remember only how I made you feel. 

People will always remember how you make them feel.  Make them feel good as much as you can.  And feel good about yourself when you do it.  Because that's the only thing worth remembering.  It's the only true impression any of us make in our lifetimes.  Not how we look.  How we make people feel.

So please try not to worry about fat.  Yours, or other people's.  You're a smart girl.  Don't waste your thoughts on trivial bullshit.  Make them count.  And make them memorable.

I love you.

Mom