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Dads

Dear Elli,

Today is Father's Day.  The day we celebrate the huge difference dads make in our lives and show them our appreciation.  You are lucky to have a great Dad.  So am I.  And today, I'm going to tell you a little bit about my Dad.

Grandpa Gordon is awesome.  You already know that, but he's not your daddy.  He's mine.  And I know lots more stuff about him than you do.  So I'm going to tell you about just some of the things he has done for me, as his daughter.

When I was a little girl, he took me everywhere with him.  He took me to work, he took me to his college classes, and he took me onto his lap to read the Sunday paper.  Always. 

On our car rides, we sang "My Baby Does the Hanky Panky".  Really loud.  At the top of our lungs.  (Maybe not the most appropriate song for a preschooler, but what the hell.)

Everywhere we went, I walked next to him, always holding onto his finger.  You see, his whole hand was too big.  So I held his finger.  It made me feel as safe as I've ever felt in my life.  He has the most beautiful hands in the world, and to this day I unfairly judge men on the basis of how nice their hands are. He taught me how to drive a boat, and how to catch a fish.  When I was three. 

He always treated me with respect.  Always.  He spoke to me like an adult.  And he rarely had to yell to get his point across.  He was the only one I ever really listened to.  And still is.

He never made excuses for his mistakes.  And he never blamed others.  He said he was sorry.  Always.  And did everything he could to make up for it. 

He taught me that nobody is perfect, but that doesn't mean they are bad.  You see, Grandpa Gordon made some mistakes when I was little.  Big ones.  And he got into trouble.  And even though he couldn't be physically with me for a long time because of it, he remained as the driving force of love and understanding in my life. 

He taught me that in life, there is right, wrong, and worth it.  We must analyze the consequences of our actions and try to do the right thing.  But if we are going to choose the wrong thing, we need to make sure it's worth it.  Some things are worth it.  Some things aren't.  This is the most important thing he ever said.

We wrote letters.  Every week.  He wrote about his life, his love for me, and how much he loved the pictures and school papers I sent him.  He was always proud of me.  This made me happy. 

He promised me he would be there, in person, when I graduated from high school.  He was there.  He promised he would be there when I graduated from college.  He was there, too.  He walked me down the aisle at my wedding.  He watched me walk across the stage when I received my MBA.  He never broke a promise.  Ever. 

He got sick.  Really sick.  When you were born, he was in intensive care at the hospital.  He almost died.  A few weeks after we brought you home from the hospital I felt really overwhelmed with being a mom.  I called him.  In intensive care.  And cried to him.  For a long time.  He was half dead, but he listened.  And provided advice.  Because that's what he does.  Always.

He's been sick for your entire life so far.  But he rarely complains.  He suffers with dignity.  And when he feels afraid, he calls me.  And he cries sometimes.  Because he is a man.  And men are sometimes afraid.  And sometimes they cry.  That is what real men do.

I know now that someday I will lose my dad.  I am an adult.  I understand this.  It might be next week and it might be 20 years from now.  But it will happen.  And when it does, he will know that he is the greatest father I could ever have asked for.  He is my Dad.  And I am so proud to be his daughter. 

I know that you feel the same way about your Daddy.  And for that, you and I are two of the luckiest girls in the world.  I love you.

Mom

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