Dear Elli,
I am currently enrolled in sales training at work. I'm not really a salesperson. I'm more of an analyst with social responsibilities. I essentially have to make real salespeople like me enough to send me their clients. Weird, I know.
Anyway, I had to take a test this week. The test measures my "call reluctance", which essentially means what scares the hell out of me when it comes to making contact with people.
It turns out, almost everything and everyone scares the hell out of me. The following is a list of things that totally freak me out:
Calling people on the phone
Talking to a group of people
Talking to rich people
Talking to powerful people
Bothering people
Being labeled a salesperson (Notice how I denied being a salesperson in the second sentence of this letter?)
Other than those minor hurdles, I have a promising career ahead of me! I should probably just hang it up and apply for work as a greeter at the nearest Walmart. Except I'd have to talk to people there, too. Damn....
So I'm clearly scared shitless of performing approximately half of my job responsibilities. I wasn't really shocked. It's true. I spend a significant amount of my work day in various states of emotional discomfort.
But do you know what the test did NOT measure? It did not measure the constant internal battle I fight to not let those fears overcome me. It did not measure the fact that I (almost always) refuse to fail because of fear.
The whole point to this story is to show you that everyone has fears. I'm afraid. You're afraid. We're all afraid. But that doesn't mean much. Fear is only as relevant as we allow it to be.
I won't bother to pretend that fear doesn't get the best of me sometimes. It does. I've made an immense ass of myself more than once because I was terrified, and I'll undoubtedly do it again. But I survived. And I won't ever stop trying. Neither should you.
Most fears are irrational. Ridiculous, really. They usually stem from meaningless personal insecurities, probably because our parents screwed us up. That being the case, you'll almost certainly need therapy. I should probably just go ahead and schedule you an appointment next week.
Seriously, though. It's necessary to acknowledge our fears, but also to recognize that they do not define us. Try not to give in to them too often. You'll miss way too many great things if you give in to fear all of the time.
If I gave in, I would have missed out on all the great people I've met over the years. I'd still be a trainee staring at the phone, terrified that people won't like me. Guess what? A few of them don't like me. But most of them do. And I like them, too.
I love you.
Your Chronically Terrified Mom
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