Dear Elli,
I'm going to hijack this forum for Uncle Nick tonight. Because I am the author of this freaking blog and I can do whatever I want. And I know he reads this thing. Also, you might learn something, so here it goes:
Dear Nick,
First and foremost, I'm proud of you. You've got way more balls than me, and it's not just because I'm a girl. Because even though I'm a girl, I've got some pretty impressive balls sometimes. Shit. One paragraph in and I'm already off topic.
But seriously. You're shooting for the stars. You left home. Everything you've ever known. You left. To try something amazing. You're actually at Harvard University. I am genuinely kind of shocked. I shouldn't admit it, but I will anyway.
Remember when you told me I was the only one that believed in this dream of yours? Well I probably was. But not for the reasons you might suspect.
It's mostly because you've been a bona fide shithead for your entire adolescence. In fact, you succeeded in making me look like Mother Theresa, which is pretty awesome. For me. Probably not so much for you.
But the truth is, you never did anything I didn't do. In fact, I'm reasonably sure I was worse. I was just smart enough not to get caught. Hell, maybe I should be the one at Harvard.
The reason I believed in your dream, Nick, is because I know you. You're my brother. My baby brother. I took care of you. And dressed you up and took you places with my friends. And, yes, I kicked your ass a few times. And as you always like to remind me, I hit you in the face with a tennis ball. On purpose. But it was an awesome shot. And I told you to keep your freaking eye on the ball. Shithead.
And through all your bullshit, I knew your potential. I knew you were smart. I knew you had what it takes. I knew you could do it. It was, and still is, a matter of you getting off your ass and doing it. So now you're there. You've still got a ways to go. Do your thing.
But above all else, continue to grow. You see, I have a decade of experience on you. And while I didn't go to Harvard, I am nonetheless pretty freaking smart. Just ask me. And I want you to continue on your journey successfully. So here is my advice to you, Baby Brother:
1. Don't get arrested. For the love of God, you're at Harvard. You should be smart enough not to let that happen, but just in case...
2. Don't get anyone pregnant. I'm not joking. That would be even worse than getting arrested. Way worse. So remember that picture you accidentally sent me the other day of the girl you're "just talking to" who had no shirt? Be careful, Player.
3. Get a job. Any job. Just make some money of your own. And don't ask Mom for any. Because she doesn't have any. And it stresses her out. And that pisses me off. Remember the tennis ball? I will do that shit again. Dare me. And I bet "Little Miss I Lost My Shirt" won't like you with a broken nose.
4. Respect those who know more than you. Take the opportunity to learn from them. And that's just about everyone right now. You're 20. You really don't know shit at this point. You'll figure that out in another decade or so.
5. Keep your mind open. During your 20's, you will learn so much. About yourself and the world around you. You may even get to the point where you think you have it all figured out. You won't have it all figured out. None of us do. I just figured that out.
6. Try not to judge. You are about to learn both the best and worst sides of the human condition. You will see people do some crazy shit. Don't judge them. You have no idea who they are or what they've been through.
7. Be tolerant. Of others, and most importantly of yourself. You will be tested. Over and over again. And you won't always be proud of the results. Don't let that deter you. You're a man now. Pull yourself together and try again. For as long as it takes. And you will be fine. I promise.
8. Respect women. I know you already do. Continue that. Because women are awesome. And not just in bed. Have some female friends. Really good ones. They will take care of you, make sure you don't go out looking like a douchebag, and your friendship will be authentic in a way you've never before experienced.
9. Earn the respect of others. Nobody owes you respect. Mom thinks you're really special and so do I. But nobody else does, nor should they. You're just a 20 year old little turd. Show them you're more. Earn it.
10. Breathe. Always take the time to take it all in. And take a breath. Life as an adult is not easy. Shit just got real. And when it gets hard, breathe. Gain perspective. You'll be fine. I promise.
I'm done now. For now. You've got your wings, boy. Now fly. And call me if you need me. Because I will always be your big sister. And we all know that I can handle some business.
I love you.
Jenny
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