Dear Elli,
I tell you to be good. Your father tells you to be good. Your teachers tell you to be good. Everyone wants everyone else to "be good". Especially right now. It's almost Christmas! And for the love of God, don't piss Santa off this close to Christmas!
But this whole "good" business is a little confusing to me sometimes. And that being said, I'm sure you must be mighty stressed out by all this pressure to be freaking GOOD!
So what does "good" really mean? I'll tell you. For you it mostly means that you should do what you're told and avoid annoying the adults around you. That's really it. That's what people mean by "good" when they're talking about kids.
But when you're an adult, it gets trickier. And the definition of a "good" adult depends upon who you ask.
Most people think I'm pretty good. And mostly I agree. Because I love my family. And my friends. I help others as much as I can. And I take care of you and try my best to teach you the things you need to know to be a responsible adult. I work hard. I pay my taxes. And my bills. I give to charity. I vote. And I try my best not to judge others too harshly.
But all those people who think I'm good? They don't know that I just imagined myself strangling the lady in front of me at Target for questioning the cashier about a $.25 price difference on her toilet bowl cleaner and totally delaying my checkout process. Or that I would absolutely sleep with Denzel Washington in one second with no guilt whatsoever. Or that there is a part of me that thinks it would be super awesome to rob an armoured car.
And even though most people don't know about all of these impure thoughts, there are nonetheless people who probably think I'm a terrible person. Bad to the bone, Baby! Maybe because I work. Or leave you for days at a time to travel for work. I drink sometimes. I let you listen to gangster rap. I have a vast vocabulary of curse words. I think all religions are important and should be deeply respected, although I don't attend church unless it is completely unavoidable. I like gay people. And everyone else, for that matter. And I think interracial couples, and gay couples, are as normal as any other couples can be. I don't believe drugs are always the devil. I think sex before marriage is a great thing. I could go on and on with all the things about me that someone might think is "bad".
And another ridiculously confusing thing for you to learn is that those qualities that people think are "good" in a child....doing what you're told without question? I think those are terrible qualities for an adult to have. In fact, I think people with those qualities are douchebags. And I hope you never become one of them.
So feel free to be "bad" sometimes! Question me. And everyone else when you don't understand something. It's really annoying, but I also love it.
Because "good" is relative. Nobody is good all of the time. And everybody is good some of the time.
So just do the best you can. That's all you can do. That's what I try to do, and sometimes I'm even successful! And that's what most everyone else tries to do, too.
And I'll let you in on a little secret.
Santa's coming either way.
I love you.
Mom
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