Dear Elli,
Last night in the car, a Bob Dylan song came on. It's on my playlist not because I love Bob Dylan, but because Grandpa Gordon did. I keep a few songs on my playlist that remind me of him, and it makes me smile every time they play.
Anyway, I decided we should listen to a second Bob Dylan song in honor of him. I chose "The Times They Are A-Changing". We were talking about what the world was like when he wrote that song in the 60's. Vietnam, hippies, the Civil Rights Era.
I told you that Nanny also listened to Bob Dylan back when she and Grandpa Gordon were dating and married. They were both a product of that generation. Love, peace, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and of course - Bob Dylan.
The young people back then scorned the old cranky conservative bastards of their parents generation, and by God they were gonna change the world! Sound familiar?
It was fun to discuss with you the similarities of young people across every generation of our history. How every generation of young people strives to do it better than their parents. And how every generation has produced incremental changes to society. No, we're not all living in dirty communes dropping acid with flowers in our hair today because of the 60's. But those young people did leave their mark. They did make us better.
Then you asked the question I was waiting for. What happened to those people? Why are most of them so different now that they're old? Nanny isn't a hippy. She doesn't talk the talk that her music did anymore. Neither did Grandpa Gordon.
Nope. Not really. But that young hippy girl still resides inside her. And that young activist boy always remained within him. And they both kept some of those core beliefs of the 60's flower child.
You see, life experience evolves thought processes. When we're young, we don't have a lot of experience to draw from. The world looks so much simpler from a young person's vantage point. It's easier to draw conclusions without the shit storm of conflicting complications that begin to appear both within us and externally as we grow.
It happened to me, too. And Dad. It's still happening to us. All of us. And it will keep happening until we're dead. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad, but it always happens.
I try really hard not to forget. I remind myself regularly of myself through all the stages of my life so far. It keeps me in tune with you, and makes me less likely to throttle you for thinking something that I currently view as absurd. Because I can remember that when I was your age, I probably would've thought something similar.
I remember a realization that took place somewhere between my late 20's and early 30's. It was a slow, painful evolution of mine that took place over a few years time. I realized that everything I thought I knew about life was utter bullshit. Nearly every line I drew between black and white, right and wrong, good and evil, smart and stupid. Nearly every belief of what both I and everyone else ought to think, believe, and do.
It was all bullshit, and I didn't actually know much of anything. I just thought I did. Because I was young and self-righteous. Inexperienced. Life humbled me. It has a funny way of doing that to a lot of us.
That's what happened to a lot of those hippies. And that's what happened to me, too.
I don't have all the answers, but my best advice to you is to always keep the door open. Dream your dreams. Draw your lines, but try your best to draw those lines in pencil. You might need to redraw them later. The things you see as so simple today will become quite a bit more complicated, but your ideas are no less important because of it.
I hope that when your time for the "I don't know what I thought I knew" epiphany comes, it's a lot less painful than mine was. But I hope it comes nonetheless. It's necessary.
When you see grown ass people screaming self-righteously that they know all the answers and everyone who doesn't agree wholeheartedly and without question is a terrible person, you're looking at examples of those who never had the epiphany. Don't be them. It's okay now because you're young, but grown people who still think they know all the answers are embarrassing.
The smartest thing I ever did was admit I don't know much of anything for certain. That there is often no definitive right or wrong answer. Sometimes even two totally opposite ideas can both be worthy of consideration at the same time. Most everything in life is gray.
It's unsettling at first, but trust the process. It's a concept your Grandpa Gordon taught me, but I ultimately had to learn on my own. I think maybe Bob Dylan and all the hippies taught him.
You will change the world. You will leave your mark for every generation that comes after you. It's inevitable. That change won't look exactly like what you have in mind today, but I suspect you will look back on that fact someday and be grateful.
After all, I'm pretty grateful that I don't live in a dirty commune with flowers in my hair watching people in their 70's dropping acid. I bet Nanny is grateful that didn't happen, too.
I love you.
Mom
Comments