Dear Elli,
Three days ago, you informed me that "boys are yummy". I've been stunned into silence for three days. Three. Freaking. Days.
The context of your statement was really pretty innocent. You told me that you gave your friend, Chase, a kiss because he's your friend. But he didn't like your kiss because he thought it was gross. But that will not stop you from kissing him again. Even if boys don't like to be kissed. Because they are yummy. That is what you said.
Wow. Sweet Baby Jesus! Holy Mother of God! Jimminy Christmas! Aw, Shucks. (Insert any other weird exclamation you can think of).
For three days I've been wondering what I'm actually going to say in this letter. As of right this second, I'm still not 100% sure.
But first, I would like to say that you are correct. Boys are yummy. Really yummy. Deliciously freaking yummy.
Until you wash their socks. There's something about washing boy socks that sucks the "yummy" right out of the whole situation. Trust me. If you want to retain your faith in the fact that boys are "yummy", don't live with one. I'm not joking.
And second, when you are older, don't ever say that boys are yummy. Never ever. It freaks me out. And it will give the boys you refer to the wrong idea. And it will probably give you a weird reputation. And you don't want a weird reputation. I remember the girls in high school with weird reputations. Not cool. Trust me.
So, while you may think "yummy", you should not say it. Instead, say attractive, or handsome, or smoking freaking hot, or maybe even sexy. Just not yummy. Please. No more yummy.
Third, you should consider restraining yourself in the kissing of boys. As you found out recently from Chase, boys don't particularly like to be kissed at your age. Even though they are super cool friends.
And when you're older, you cannot just go around kissing people. Boys or girls. They will think there is something wrong with you. And I might be called in to speak with your school's Principal. And I have no desire to speak with your school's Principal. Ever.
And finally, when you are much much much older and you finally find a boy whose "yumminess" is worthy of a real kiss: Go for it! Have fun! And remember it forever.
Unless he has a cold sore. In that case, don't kiss him. You'll thank me later.
I love you.
Mom
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