Change

Dear Elli,

Change is really hard.  Like REALLY FREAKING hard.  Seriously.

You know what I did this week?  I'm gonna tell you what I did. 

I quit my job. 

Two weeks shy of my 13th anniversary, and I quit. 

Now don't get all excited.  I didn't get too crazy.  I do have another job lined up.  It's a really super cool fantastic awesome new job with a great company, and I'm super duper excited about it.  But it was so incredibly hard to leave. 

My former company is amazing in so many ways.  The opportunities over the years, the support, the incredible friendships I've gained, even the cafeteria food.  Amazing!  (I may be glorifying the cafeteria food a bit.)

Do you know how it feels to walk through the halls of a company and literally know almost every single person you pass?  I know the names of their kids and their spouses, their hobbies, their struggles, and what they will order at every single local restaurant because I've been to lunch with them 100 times.  I've laughed with all of them, cried with a few, and spent literally thousands of dollars on their kids' school fundraisers over the past 13 years.  (There should totally be a gymnasium named after me somewhere in Medina County by now.)

Let me tell you how that feels to walk through those halls.  It feels like home.  Showing up to work in the morning feels like walking through the front door of your own home.  I'm not shitting you.  It's that great.

But I quit this week.  I handed my security badge, my credit card, and my car keys over to one of my dearest friends.  He loaded my box of memories into the back seat of his car and he drove me home.  We smiled and laughed and talked all the way to my house.  But I really just wanted to run inside and cry. 

I stole my calculator.  I admit it freely.  I didn't take a single pen, but that calculator is mine.  I was issued that calculator on my very first day in 2004, and I've used that calculator every working day of my life ever since.  I learned how to do my job with that calculator, and I'm not letting anyone have it.  Arrest me. 

The day after I quit, I woke up in the morning, got you off to school with a smile and hug, and then promptly sobbed for two hours.

This career move really is fantastic.  I know I'm not making it sound that way, but it's true.  It's the right choice.  It's the only choice that makes sense for me.  When I sit down and think of what I'm about to do for a living, I'm seriously giddy inside.  Like a school girl. 

But it's still hard.  Really freaking hard. 

Sometimes the decisions we make in life are heartbreaking.  But that doesn't mean they're not for the best. 

I'm going to miss my former company and all of the friends I've made over the years.  I'm going to miss it all terribly.  But I'm also going to enjoy the hell out of the next chapter of my career.  I'm going to work my ass off, just like I always have.  I'm going to learn some amazing new things, and I'm going to meet amazing new people. 

Change is hard.  But it's important to remember that we will always keep our box of memories, and we can always keep our friends, too.  Lots of things will change, but we can keep those things with us forever.

And in my case, in addition to my memories and so many wonderful friends, I also have my calculator. 

I love you.

Mom (The Calculator Thief)