Dear Elli,
For the next 21 days, I have challenged myself to a clean eating program. I have no idea why I challenge myself to bizarre things all the time, but let's go with it.
Clean eating means you eat nothing that is processed. Everything is natural and fresh. That means no pop tarts, no fruit rollups, no chips, and basically nothing good in the world.
My diet will be perfectly balanced, perfectly healthy, and perfectly clean for the next 21 days. I already have a headache. I'm not even joking. I'm almost through day #1, and my head is pounding. I haven't had nearly the amount of fat or carbs that I would typically consume, and my brain is revolting. I might die soon.
I am not typically a clean eater, nor am I a healthy eater by any definition. I'm more of a filthy animal. I think most days I consume 1,800 calories at lunch. My favorite foods include enchiladas with vast amounts of melted cheese, anything from Taco Bell or Chipotle, lasagna, spaghetti, and bread. I'm a total pig, and I'm okay with that most of the time.
I have challenged myself to plenty of crazy things over the years, most notably motherhood. I've completed extreme fitness programs. I've completed educational challenges, professional challenges, personal challenges. You name it, I've challenged myself to it. Except eating right. I really love being a filthy animal.
But I'm doing it. Mostly because I don't think I can. Which means I must. Which confirms the fact that I am likely batshit crazy.
I just like to see if I can actually do stuff. I like doing things that are difficult because it makes me feel like a total badass when I'm done. Everyone else just thinks I'm batshit crazy, but I think I'm a badass, and that's really all that matters.
I love you. But 20 days from now, I might love a plate full of enchiladas and a beer even more.
(Totally joking.)
Mom
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