Dear Elli,
You've got mad jokes. You're freaking hilarious. I'm not shitting you. You're funny even when you're not trying.
So now that you're in school, you're a real comedian. Your teacher uses the word "silly" to describe you. I use the word "clown". She has to be politically correct. I don't.
Today you brought home a worksheet to complete for homework. It had a note at the top, asking me to "encourage you to do your best work". Stapled to this worksheet was an identical worksheet that you did in class today. Instead of properly writing the letter "D", you made them into stick figure people. How precious.
Your teacher's note, in a very nice way, asked me to ensure you complete your work seriously, instead of like an asshole. She's right. Making your "D's" into stick figure people is kind of assholish. It is funny, no doubt. But still assholish at the same time. And you totally deserved the homework assignment.
I get it, though. You're talking to the queen of clowns. You get bored, so you think of something to do to entertain yourself, and maybe a few others along with you. I've done some absolutely shameless things to teachers. Especially substitutes.
I vividly remember talking kids into switching seats so substitute teachers would think their seating charts were all screwed up. And making weird noises as soon as they turned their back to the class. And I may or may not have placed a piece of paper in the shape of a phallus on the projector one time in high school.
I like to have fun. I like to make people laugh. And when I get bored, I can be hell on wheels. But you really have to know your shit. You work first, and play later. People will be much more delighted with you if they know you work just as hard as you play. Not only will they laugh at your jokes, but they will also respect you. That's the secret to getting away with murder, kiddo. Make them laugh with respect.
I think you inherently know that already. You do work hard most of the time. And you clearly know how to write a "D" properly. I nevertheless feel the need to remind you, because I'm your mom. If you don't want to spend most of your time in trouble, work first. It's kind of hard to punish someone if their work is complete and of the highest possible quality. That's been my secret weapon against trouble for years. It totally works.
I love you.
Mom
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