Dear Elli,
Today you turned eleven. Holy cow, right!?! That means I've been writing these crazy letters for eight years!
For the first couple years, pretty much every letter was written from the lid of the toilet seat, where I sat watching you play in the bathtub at night. I remember those days pretty vividly. You were tiny and adorable and the most willful child I had ever seen in my life. And I was the center of your universe.
Now I write these letters from the couch. You're usually in the shower or holed up in your bedroom talking to your friends. You are almost as big as me now. You're beautiful, but you don't know it yet. You are still the most willful child I have ever seen in my life. But I am no longer the center of your universe.
You're growing up. Big time. There's a small part of me that misses the little years, but not much. I loved you then as my baby. But you are your own person now. And I love you still today as my baby, but also as an individual.
Let me say that one more time a little differently: I love who you are.
Now that's some powerful shit right there.
We butt heads a lot. That's natural. It's not going to get easier any time soon. These years coming up are tough ones. I'm not stupid. I know that. But for now, you still think I'm a worthy human being roughly 35% of the time. I'll take what I can get.
I can still make you laugh, which is really the thing that makes life good as far as I'm concerned. We have tons of fun in between the head butting sessions. And every now and then, I can even make you laugh right in the middle of a head butting session, which gives me hope that you might make it to adulthood without giving me a nervous breakdown.
We're so much alike in personality traits, but so different in terms of personal taste. You love makeup and fashion and doing all kinds of artsy things. I love reading and aggressive rap music and sports. But we share a love for deep conversation and travel and adventure. And those things are amazing, especially when we do them together.
Every year you grow, I watch you become a little more of you. Being your mom is the most amazing experience I will ever have. It's not always easy, but it's not supposed to be. Easy things are generally not very worthwhile.
But through thick and thin. Through head butting sessions and through laughter, remember this always: I love who you are.
Happy 11th Birthday.
Mom
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