Dear Elli,
I have realized in recent months that I am not nearly as smooth as I thought I was. You see, I went from kind of a decent sized fish in a very small pond, to a very small fish in an ocean.
I ate dinner tonight with a very accomplished group of people. We were apparently dining at Philadelphia's best restaurant. It was nice. The food was good, although I couldn't pronounce half of the stuff I'm currently digesting and I would have been more comfortable at Luigi's in Akron.
Approximately halfway through dinner, one of the individuals I was dining with informed me of his thoughts on Ohioans. He said he thought all of the smart settlers kept heading west, and all the stupid ones dropped off in Ohio. I did not point out the fact that he lives in Pennsylvania, nor did I point out the obvious question of which settlers fell off the wagon before they even arrived in Ohio with the stupid ones?
Instead of pointing this out, I thought it better to remain silent for a moment to let his comment sink in. Then I smiled my biggest Ohio corn fed smile and thanked him for such a warm welcome. The man clearly felt bad, and I really don't think he was trying to be mean. But it still stung.
It mostly stung because he is kind of right. I'm smart. I know that. But I'm not very sophisticated. My blood is not blue. I did not grow up eating from a silver spoon. And in my new giant world, I don't fit in yet. He sensed that discomfort. And the fact that he sensed it stung a little.
You see, I want to fit in. Everyone wants to fit in. And it hurts when you feel like you don't.
The beauty of this whole thing is that I'm an adult and I know that I will eventually learn all of the things I need to know to fit in. I know I will because I've done it before. And I will undoubtedly do it again this time. But my point tonight is for you to know that as well.
You're not always going to feel like you fit in with every group of people you encounter. It's uncomfortable. It hurts. But it's also a great opportunity to grow outside of your comfort zone. To experience new things and to learn to appreciate other perspectives. And the more we force ourselves outside our comfort zones, the more wisdom we gain.
That man hurt my feelings tonight. But he didn't do it out of meanness. He hurt my feelings because he hit a nerve that was only exposed because I allowed it to be. That's not his fault. It's mine.
I've got a lot of work to do before I'm comfortable with all of this metropolitan sophistication. I'll get it right. I'll figure out what the hell I'm actually eating at these restaurants. I'll figure out how to discuss fashion without rolling my eyes. I'll learn the right lingo. I'll get it.
But I will also tell you this in closing: Sophisticated metropolitan people think venison is some kind of exotic delicacy. My grandpa used to kill a big buck every year and we'd eat that shit weekly. You see, we're really not all that different after all!
I love you.
Mom
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