Dear Elli,
My grandma passed away tonight, a few hours ago. She was 92 years old, and she lived every last one of those years very well.
I went to visit her last night. To say goodbye. She was at peace, and she was comfortable during her last days. She was surrounded by people she loved, and who love her.
As I sat next to her bed and held her hand, memories came back to me. So many great memories.
Memories of her and my grandpa and my cousins together growing up. Memories of her and I, and conversations that we had over the years.
My grandma was an amazing woman. A woman who accomplished much, and a woman who knew how to persevere. A woman who raised seven children, but who shouldered the burden of burying three of them.
A woman who saw the good in everything, and one of the few people on earth who could genuinely smile through her tears. I never saw her cry a single time without also seeing her smile. She suffered losses, but she always recognized her blessings through the pain.
She was a career woman before it was cool. A total badass. With seven kids. And a job.
Education was at the top of her list of important things. She was one of my biggest fans in college, and she played a huge part in me finishing my undergraduate degree.
I had one semester left, and I couldn't schedule my last group of classes around my work schedule. I had to be on campus for a ridiculous amount of hours to finish on time, but I also had to work to pay my bills. Grandma heard about my dilemma, and she helped me.
I didn't realize that she knew how discouraged I was. How close I was to quitting because I was so tired of trying to figure out how to make it work. But she knew. She knew I'd never ask for help. So she insisted instead. She drove me to the bank, made a withdrawal, handed me an envelope, and said, "Go finish your degree, Kid. You deserve it."
She kept me on track that day. She helped me. And I am a really freaking difficult person to help.
She was always so proud of all of her grandkids. Always so happy to see us. She was a tiny woman, but she could hug like a gorilla. She was a big fan of squeezing our arms and patting our backs. She was just so damn happy to be with her family. She knew what was important.
We had some woman to woman conversations when I got older. I had the pleasure of coming to the realization that my grandma was so much more than a sweet old lady who gave great hugs. She was a real person. A lady who believed fiercely in people and their ability to change the world. In her ability to change the world, and in mine as well. A proud woman. And a woman to be proud of.
She did change the world. She made it better. And she did it by smiling through her tears. By loving life. And by finding the good in everything.
I told her I loved her last night before I left, and she squeezed my hand. I hope she knew I was there. I think she did.
I'll miss my grandma. But I'll smile even though I'm sad, because I was blessed to be a part of her life.
I love you.
Mom
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