Dear Elli,
I consider myself a happy person. Most of the time. And even when I'm not, I usually fake it. Because there is nothing more annoying than unhappy people. And I certainly have no intention of being annoying.
My goal as a parent is to raise you to be a happy person as well. But I was thinking...how in the hell am I supposed to make another human being happy? Not like happy when I cook a favorite meal or buy a cool toy, but for real happy. Like a sunny disposition and positive outlook on life happy.
Obviously, the plan is to lead by example. And you really are a pretty happy kid so far. Albeit the spontaneous bursts of rage when I won't let you have candy before bed.
In addition, I will certainly try not to traumatize you in any major way during your childhood, which could inhibit your future as a happy person. I've even managed so far not to lock you in the closet while I leave to go bar hopping. I've also decided it's probably not a good idea to beat you or hurl obscenities at you as you grow. I'm not joking, either. Read the freaking news. People actually do that shit. And my educated guess is that those kids are probably not on the road to happiness.
So guess what I think I figured out? Besides doing my best to be happy myself and not traumatizing you, there is no other thing I can do to ensure you are happy. Because it comes from within. And that, my dear, is a choice you will have to make for yourself. You will have to choose to be happy.
I do have a few things to say about choosing to be happy, and some of them are cheesy cliches. But that doesn't make them any less true.
1. No matter how bad it is, someone else has it worse. Sounds kind of annoying, but it's true. So when your first boyfriend breaks up with you, remember the starving children all around the world.
2. Don't feel sorry for yourself for very long. It's OK for a little while, but you can change your circumstances, or at least your outlook on them, rather quickly if you choose to stop wallowing in self pity and make a plan.
3. Roll with the punches. Life throws all kinds of curve balls. All the time. Sometimes I've been convinced that God's plan is to F up my plan. So just roll with it the best you can. Because you and I are pretty bad ass, but God will trump us every damn time.
4. Know that this, too, will pass. I know, another cliche. But true. You have the unfortunate situation of being born into a family with the luck of the Kennedy's. Without the money. Sorry. I didn't start it. But we seem to have the most ridiculous things happen to us. And with each and every tragic event, we must remember that it will be OK. Eventually.
5. Money won't make you happy. It helps, but only to a certain degree. Once you get to the point where you know the bills will get paid, any more money really doesn't help. I'm sure it can be fun to be filthy stinking rich, but Puff Daddy once told me, "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems. I'll take his word for it.
6. Other people won't make you happy. It's a great idea to surround yourself with great people, and those people will help you tremendously in life. But it's not fair to rely on them to make you happy. That's your job.
7. Drugs and alcohol won't make you happy. Sure, it's fun to go out and kick it sometimes. (I still say "kick it" because I'm getting old, but I'm still super cool. Just ask me.). But there is a rule that I live by, and I want you to consider it. We should only drink when we are celebrating and feeling good. Never when we are feeling bad and want to escape. That's when it's dangerous. Because we cannot escape. We have to deal with shit. And attempting to escape with drugs or alcohol will ultimately make things much worse. Not better. (And as for drugs, I will leave that for a separate letter at a later date. Because it freaks me out and I don't want to talk about it right now.)
So those are my thoughts for now on happiness. I really want you to be happy. Please don't be one of those miserable people on Facebook that say FML every day or two. I actually had to Google "FML" to figure out what it means, and when I figured it out I was really annoyed.
We really have a lot of control over our lives and certainly how we choose to live them. We all have bad shit to deal with. Some worse than others. How we choose to deal with that shit determines whether or not we will be happy. I really hope you choose wisely, because being miserable all the time probably sucks.
I love you.
Mom
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