Dear Elli,
I am sharing this letter on March 14th. This is a special day because it is your "Aunt" Michelle's birthday. Today she is 31, just like me.
I was thinking today that I hope you are lucky enough to have a friend like her someday. Someone who is close to you. Maybe closer than family in some ways. I have that. Her name is Michelle.
I am writing this letter for two reasons. First, to show you how special great friendships are. And second, to show Michelle how special she is. I'm not buying her a present because I am a tight ass. Therefore, this will have to do.
Michelle and I met in 3rd grade. Mrs. O'Connor's class. We were 8 years old. That was 23 years ago, and I've never had another friend since who I love more than her.
She has gone through everything with me: elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and graduate school. (With the exact same majors...weird, I know). Careers, men, family issues, insecurities, failures, successes. They have all been discussed over Capri Sun, Sunny Delight, Pepsi, cheap wine, and slightly more expensive beer over the years.
We have shared in our greatest accomplishments and our most horrible defeats. We have laughed so hard we cried and cried so hard we laughed. Together. She is my sister. She is my closest friend.
Most importantly, I have her to thank for the following:
1. Our first hot sauce eating contest on taco day at Kleckner Elementary School. She was hanging tough until reading group after lunch. She started crying because her stomach hurt and she proceeded to the office to puke. This was the first and last time I've ever beaten her at anything.
2. At sleepovers in the summer at Michelle's we would pile blankets and pillows in the hallway and sleep under the attic exhaust fan so we didn't die of heat stroke because there was no air conditioning. She had a white down comforter and a sweet New Kids on the Block sleeping bag. I hated New Kids on the Block, but the sleeping bag was sweet. (Vanilla Ice was definitely way cooler than New Kids on the Block).
3. She always woke up at like 6:00 in the freaking morning and rifled through all my belongings until I woke up when we stayed at my house. Annoying..
4. Her mom slapped me in the mouth in middle school because I was making weird noises into the intercom as we were going through the Taco Bell drive through. It really was funny, I swear. (And by the way...I deserved the slap. I'm totally not mad. The world would probably be a better place if more people slapped other people's children).
5. We once had a fight that included a pushing and shoving match after returning from our 8th grade trip to Washington DC. I have no idea why we were mad. But we were obviously really pissed...because that is the only time I have known Michelle to be physically violent.
6. In high school Michelle managed to accidentally stab herself in the leg with an Xacto knife. (Don't ask...she is incredibly accident prone). Her stupid friend wouldn't take her to the hospital so she called me. I took her. I watched the doctor shoot her open stab wound with Novocain and nearly passed out. Her mom (who was an RN and working at the hospital and who was also the same lady who slapped me in the mouth years earlier) had to take me to the cafeteria to get a grilled cheese sandwich.
7. After we graduated from high school, we went on a senior trip to Myrtle Beach. We all stayed in the shittiest flea bag hotel in the whole city. Michelle got her tongue pierced. She also got really drunk. So did I. It was awesome. I have pictures.
8. In college, I sometimes copied her notes and rarely paid attention in class. I was mostly obsessed with your daddy back then, and she was mostly obsessed with boys on the soccer team. She graduated with honors. I graduated.
9. The night of your daddy's bachelor party, she calmed me down when I had a sudden bout of hysterics because I convinced myself that he was going to cheat on me with a stripper. (Give me a break. I was 22.). Then we had my bachelorette party...with my very own stripper. It was mostly a disaster, but also kind of awesome.
10. She was the witness at our wedding in Vegas. Again, totally awesome.
11. She calmed me down after you were born and I temporarily lost my mind to new parenthood. She once rocked and bounced you to sleep in your rocking chair. It took an hour, and she never stopped bouncing or rocking. I was so tired and overwhelmed that I nearly cried with gratitude.
12. She talked me down last year when my dad almost died, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I had a host of other mind warping things happen over the course of the worst three months of my life. She saved my sanity, and restored my sense of dignity, responsibility, and self. All over the course of a two hour dinner at Outback. I doubt she even realized it.
Well, after all that, you have probably come to the same conclusion as me. This Michelle is one special lady. You're right. She is. (And just so you know....I have lots of other great memories that are NOT "tell the world on blogspot" friendly. I will tell you those when you are like 25).
So, even though I hate her because she can crawl out of bed with her hair in a ponytail in a pair of sweats and still look ridiculously cute, I will wish her a Happy Birthday. She has saved my ass more than once, so I will forgive her for being so damn beautiful.
I love you, you little bitch (That's to Michelle, not you, Elli). Happy Birthday, and thank you for everything. Here's to many more ass savings in the future! And here's to Elli someday having a friend just like you!
Mom (aka Jenn)
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