Dear Elli,
You turned fourteen this week, and you'll be off to high school next month. I still don't really understand how the hell this all happened so quickly, but here we are.
I won't lie. Middle school was weird. You were pretty weird there for awhile. I swear to God I did my absolute best to be patient and trust the process of young adolescence, and I think I did an okay job of picking my battles with you. Dad and I both went off the deep end a few times, but we got through it.
You started middle school as a cute, cheerful little 5th grader. You moved through 6th and 7th grades as a moody, awkward, moderately unpleasant creature who loved Hot Topic clothing, heavy black eye make-up, and telling Dad and me how ignorant about the world we were nearly every moment of every day. And last but not least, you closed out 8th grade as a cute, cheerful little thing again. That was a weird circle of events. But by God, you made it through early adolescence, kid! And I'm beyond proud of who you're becoming.
The amount of change and growth in you over the past four years is staggering to me, and I know I'll say the same thing again four years from now when you're walking across the stage at your high school graduation.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a crazy combination of super excited and super nervous about your high school years. It's the big show now. Decisions are more impactful, and you'll be facing some big ones. Lots of them.
You're gonna have the time of your life with friends at football games, parties, in sports, and at dances. It's a truly magical time for most, and I'm so excited for you to experience it. But while you're having the time of your life, you're also going to find yourself in situations where a bad decision can quite literally derail your entire future. Total buzzkill, right? That's some heavy shit for a teenage brain to work through, but it's also true. We've talked about this a lot, and I won't ever let the topic rest for long.
I'm not talking about deciding what college you'll attend or whether or not you'll be on the honor roll or inducted into the National Honor Society or letter in sports. I'm not worried about those things in the least. Those kinds of things seem so important now, but don't actually mean much of anything. I promise you, nobody gives a single shit about your high school highlight reel when you're 30. Or even when you're 19 for that matter. Work hard, do your best, and those chips will fall just fine. I'm talking about real life shit. Shit that can change the landscape of your entire existence.
Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Those are the big three. And one, two, or even all three at the same time will be in your face on a fairly regular basis for at least the next eight years of your life. Through college, and probably longer. It's up to you to decide wisely. Scary, huh?
I'm learning that parenting a teenager is like walking a tightrope. I'd love to expect you'll be a perfect angel who never touches alcohol or drugs and becomes a virgin nun immediately after graduating high school. Fat chance. I'm a realist, kid. And while I certainly don't want to encourage degenerate teenage behavior, I also refuse to bury my head in the sand and pretend 99.9% of teenagers don't make totally degenerate decisions sometimes.
So, it's a tightrope. And I'm nervous. I know you are, too, and that's the primary reason I'm rolling into this stage of parenting with some level of confidence. Because you're not going in blind, and neither am I. We both know exactly what's at stake.
At the end of the day, I trust you. I don't trust you to be perfect, but I do trust you to be smart when it matters most. And when the time comes and you need to get yourself out of an uncomfortable or unsafe situation, I want you to forever remember that I've got your back. I will always come when you call. I might be a little pissy with you about it, but I will never make you regret making that call.
And as hard as this is to believe, I want you to try really hard to internalize something for me because it's 100% true. The vast majority of the people you will spend the next four years with, both friends and foes, will be strangers within a year of graduation. You will never see them again, and you won't even miss most of them. It's just part of growing up and forging your path through life. So while the social hierarchy of high school and where you fit in seems like something so important right now, it means nothing.
And I'll make one prediction that will absolutely come true and also make you smile a little when you're having a rough day. The meanest girls from high school will marry the meanest boys from high school. They'll be mean and miserable together, have awful bratty children, and they'll all get fat and funny looking and be the most mediocre adults ever. This is a really good reason to make sure you don't become one of the mean ones. Be nice to people, or karma will get you. I'm not shitting you. Take a look at the mean kids' parents sometime. I rest my case...
Happy 14th Birthday! Let's do this high school thing, kid!
I love you.
Mom
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