Lying

Dear Elli,

Today we had a first.  A really big first.  You lied.  Not just a little fib, either.  A real lie. (As real as a 4-year-old can get).  And you tried to roll with your story for quite awhile, holding your ground and insisting you were not withholding the truth. 

We already had a serious discussion about the topic.  And our serious discussion included tears of sheer terror and embarrassment on your part because you will be personally apologizing to the offended party tomorrow. 

And as I told you, I will hold your hand while you apologize, but I will not apologize on your behalf.  Because I did not screw up.  (At least not this time.) You did.  And while I will always support you while you make amends, I will not do it for you. 

Welcome to your very first serious lesson.  You've got to fix your own wrongs.  It totally sucks.  I know, because I screw up often enough.  And take it from me, fixing your screw-ups doesn't get any easier.  It gets harder. 

And that's why you weren't punished today.  Because apologizing is tough enough.  And you finally told me the truth and admitted your guilt.  That was really hard to do.  And I'm proud of you for it. 

But I am a little disturbed.  Not because I think you're a sociopath, but because you're growing up really fast.  (You're not a sociopath, by the way).  You're a kid that constantly tests everything and everyone.  Not maliciously, but out of genuine curiosity with a significant touch of mischief.  You always want to see what you can get away with. 

And lying comes along with growing up.  Everyone gives it a whirl once in awhile.  And whoever says they don't is giving it a whirl right now.  It's just another rather unsavory part of being human.  We all suck sometimes.  But the goal is to try to suck as little as possible.  Some achieve greater results than others.  And some give up altogether and just suck all the time.  And that totally sucks.

So please remember that as you grow, sometimes you're going to suck.  You'll try not to, but you will anyway.  When you do, admit it and apologize when you can.  When you can't, apologize to yourself.  And then forgive yourself.  You're human.  We all are. 

I love you.

Mom