Dear Elli,
Today you and I had a conversation about mean kids. And I remembered something that I haven't thought about for many years.
The whole thing started when you asked me what my favorite color was when I was a kid. Blue. My favorite color has been blue since I can remember.
Then you asked me about my favorite activities when I was growing up, which included riding my bike, playing sports, reading, and playing Nintendo.
You called me a tomboy, which is 100% true.
But then you asked me why I never tried to look pretty. You said most of the pictures you've seen of me growing up are not pretty. I never wore dresses or did anything pretty with my hair. I always had baggy pants and sports jerseys and basketball shoes.
Well, the first reason is that I was a total gangster bad ass. Don't make fun of me. I really did love my style. I still have some of my glorious hip hop flair, and I'm very proud of it. But there was this one other thing that happened.
When I was in junior high, I was just starting to feel like a real girl. I was super self-conscious, though, just like every other young girl on the planet. I wasn't out of my tomboy stage yet, but I was thinking about it. I was starting to take some interest in my appearance and trying to look nice at school.
But then a jackass boy came along and totally killed my vibe. He walked past me in the hallway, looked at me, and said "That's the ugliest girl I've ever seen".
I'm not shitting you. That's what the little asshole said. And to make it even worse, he was a popular guy. One of the blond All-American boy lookalikes.
That was the single most horrible day of my junior high school career. I was embarrassed and horrified. And I hate being embarrassed and horrified more than anything in the world.
So I never tried much to be a pretty girl. I decided that really wasn't my thing. At least not at school. With a few minor exceptions, I never dated a boy from my school. Every single boyfriend of any significance came from outside my school district. As far away as possible.
The funny thing is, I wasn't ugly. Not even close. I was actually pretty cute when I traded my jerseys for a nice shirt and a pair of jeans that actually fit me. But that didn't matter. I was bound and determined to never be humiliated in front of my peers by a boy's opinion of my appearance. And if I never tried to look pretty at school, I'd never have to worry about it. Worked like a charm.
Believe me, I'm not telling you a sob story about my teenage years. I had a ton of fun and a ton of friends. And besides my weird boy issue at school, I was a pretty confident girl. Those years were some of my favorite, and I'll always remember them with great fondness. Overall, I was a lucky kid.
But I'll never forget what one boy said to me. And it actually still kind of hurts today when I think about it. (I know I'm a total juvenile asshole, but he's sort of a loser now and I'm really happy about it. Seriously. Like REALLY happy.)
Now, I know I've said nasty things, too. I'm certainly not innocent, and that makes me feel like shit. But I really hope I've never been THAT guy. I hope nobody ever remembers me like that. Especially since my high school reunion is in a few weeks and I don't want anyone to poison my beer.
The whole point of my story is for you to watch what you say to people. Words really can hurt. They can even hurt totally gangster bad asses like me. And they can hurt really badly.
I'll bet that guy has no recollection of that day in junior high, but I'll never forget it. So don't be him. Don't be the mean kid. Be the positive one. The one people remember with a smile. Just be kind to people as often as you can. Then you won't have to worry about someone poisoning your beer at your high school reunion.
I love you, beautiful girl.
Mom
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