To my Sweet Little Elli,
I've been thinking about doing this for awhile, this blog thing. I've thought it through, and my reasons for doing this are real and important. I've learned so much these past 3 years of being your Mommy. I've learned to see myself through your eyes. Sometimes I'm proud of what I see and sometimes I'm not.
I think it's so important to share these lessons with you, and hope that through all of our experiences, we can share them with the whole world! I hope that this will become something you and I can share in the coming years, and a way for you to understand the nearly indescribable impact you have on my very being. I hope that some of these letters are funny, some serious, and all showing how much of a difference you make in my life, every day.
This first letter is my Christmas wish for you.
2012 is coming to a close, and I'm so astonished by the things that have taken place. As I reflect on this year, I have so many things that I wish for you. I see your personality shining bright every day and at times your similarity to me is absolutely astonishing. That said, Baby Girl, I don't want you to be just like me. I know that, through your eyes, I am perfect because I am your Mommy. But I am not perfect, and I want you to be better than me.
For Christmas this year, I want you to take with you the good parts of me, and leave the bad for me to deal with.
I know you want to be the best at everything you do. I do too. But don't let that take away from the fun in life. There are so many things to see and do, so many things to experience. Don't let your focus be too narrow. Enjoy life, every minute. Work is important, but it's not even close to everything.
I know you want to be strong and not let others see you cry. I know you let your hurt, disappointment, frustration, fear, and shame masquerade as anger. I do too. Unfortunately, life throws some nasty things our way sometimes and you're not weak, Baby Girl. You can cry. You can let the tears flow until there's no more left. I am your Mommy, and as long as I'm alive I will hold you close and never judge those tears. We come from a long line of amazingly strong women, and don't you ever think you're weak. You're one of us. You are strong, with or without tears.
I know that you feel so very uncomfortable when you hurt someone and don't know how to fix it. I do too. But don't let your pride get in the way of your sorrow. Say you're sorry, Baby, and show people you care. I know it's hard to admit when you're wrong. I am rarely successful myself. But I am wrong. A lot.
I know you get frustrated when things don't go your way, and angry with others that don't understand your point of view. I do too. But try to understand, Baby Girl, that not everyone is like you. Everyone is different, and special, and important. It's hard to remember sometimes, but there's no excuse for intolerance.
I know that you are smart and you can use your intelligence to get what you want. I do that too. Intelligence is a blessing, and you are a very lucky girl. However, don't EVER use that intelligence to hurt someone else. You don't need to take advantage of others in order to achieve success. Sometimes it may seem like the fastest way, but don't you fall for that. Be fair to others and use your intelligence to help, not hurt.
I know that you are beginning to understand that you are beautiful, and you are. Your beauty sometimes takes my breath away, and I'm not saying that just because I'm your Mommy. But that has very little impact on the person who you are. That is a blessing that you need to be very careful with, Baby. It will help you along the way, but it must NEVER be used to hurt or manipulate others.
I know all of these things, but there is so much more that I don't know. I am so excited to learn more about the amazing little girl you are becoming! I don't know how to teach you all of these things, but I will try. Every day. I will try to lead by example, but I will falter. I will never be a perfect Mommy, but I will never stop trying. That is my promise to you, this Christmas.
Love,
Mommy
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