Dear Elli,
I was struck by a thought today that I really need to share with you. Right now.
I was at work. Working. Quietly. Which is rare, considering I am almost never quiet. And then I heard it. Clip. Clip. Clip.
Really? At work? We clip our nails at work? Were you raised by wild pack animals? Does your mother even love you? Do you not have a bathroom, or even a couch at home from which to clip your nails? For the LOVE of GOD!
Don't ever clip your nails at work. Ever. Never freaking EVER! It is weird. And annoying. And disgusting. And there is nobody in the world that is too busy to take care of their personal grooming at home. Or in a hotel room. Or at the very least in a public bathroom.
I equate this with walking into my cubicle, whipping out some shaving cream and a razor, and proceeding to shave my legs. At my desk. And waiving at all my coworkers as they walk by as if it is the most natural thing in the world. "Hello, coworkers! Don't mind me! Even my own mother hates me! Would you care to help me with this hard to reach spot on the back of my kneecap?"
No. That is unacceptable behavior. And I would probably be arrested and taken to a mental hospital for evaluation.
The only grooming that is permitted in a cubicle is lint rolling. Or maybe blowing your nose. But blowing your nose is only acceptable if you have a really bad cold that necessitates the blowing of your nose every five minutes. Anything less severe than that requires a trip to the bathroom.
I realize that I may be slightly dramatic regarding this topic. That's OK. I just want to make sure you understand how important it is.
Because I will never again walk into that particular cubicle without thinking I could sit down and get stabbed in the ass with a piece of fingernail. And that makes me sad.
I love you.
Mom
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