Dear Elli,
Target is selling a women's shirt that says "Trophy", and people are pissed. People are always pissed off. It's hard to imagine the world without a mob of pissed off people bitching about something.
The pissed off people think it's a sexist shirt. They think it objectifies women, making them valuable only for their looks.
Let's try our best, for just a moment, to pretend we have a sense of humor. That shirt is kind of funny, right? The thought of how hilarious it would look on me is enough for me to consider buying it right now.
Now let's do one more thing together, as human beings. Let's stop pretending that we don't regularly objectify one another. Let's succumb to our humanity for just a moment and pretend we're all just a little bit imperfect.
I'll admit it. I regularly objectify both men and women, and I expect the same in return.
Pow! I'm a terrible person who should rot in hell for all eternity, right? Let me explain first. There are plenty of reasons to send me to hell, but this might be an exception.
I notice attractive people. Every single time I see an attractive person, my eyes are drawn to them. They're nice to look at, and for the few moments while I'm appreciating their good looks, I don't give a single shit if they're smart or kind or generous or the spawn of satan. I just like the way they look. It's really that simple.
I will not pretend for a second that I don't behave this way. And I don't believe for a single moment that everyone else doesn't do the same.
Are we to believe, as humans, that being drawn to beauty is somehow awful? That this isn't part of our very nature, to be attracted to good-looking people? Come on! I don't buy it.
We all check each other out. Men, women, children. Every single day. Period. That doesn't mean we don't dig deeper than looks and respect one another for a multitude of other qualities. But the way someone looks is the very first thing we notice. Before they speak. Before they present to us their intelligence, or lack thereof. Before they do anything at all, we see them with our eyes. And we evaluate. We objectify, if you will.
Isn't that why we take care in our appearance? Why we dress a certain way? Why we style our hair? Because we expect initially to be evaluated based upon the way we look to others?
And if not, then why do we do these things? Please don't say for ourselves, because I'm certain I wouldn't bother to check my teeth in the mirror if I was the sole inhabitant of a desert island. That's a bullshit answer.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I'll tell you why I take care in my appearance. It's for the whole world to notice me.
I dress well at work because I want to be noticed for what I am. A professional woman who gives a shit about myself and my company.
On my personal time, I also dress to be noticed for what I am. A totally cool lady who loves sports and hip hop music and superheroes and Nike sneakers.
My appearance may be attractive to some people, and maybe not so much to others. But, I promise you one thing: When it matters to me how I am going to be perceived, my look is precisely tailored to the audience and reaction I'm looking for. That's why I don't wear sweat pants to business meetings. Or a pantsuit to a Jay-Z concert.
So am I a self-absorbed asshole because I expect to be noticed? Maybe. But I suspect I'm not much different from everyone else.
And I get that it's not all about grooming. I understand that some people are just naturally more attractive than others. I know that's not fair. Blame God. Not Target. And while all of those people are blaming God and Target, I will objectify the shit out of Matthew McConaughey until I'm dead. Sorry. I'm not sorry.
I love you.
"Trophy" Mom
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