Dear Elli,
I realized today that tons of my letters discuss qualities that I believe are essential for success. Those qualities that I try like hell to teach you. Things like big dreams, hard work, respect, perseverance, ambition, pushing beyond our comfort zone, and knowing that we are entitled to nothing beyond what we earn.
I stand by all of those ideas, and I always will. But I've missed the mark on something important. I always make it sound easy. Easy like a stroll in the park on a Sunday afternoon. I haven't acknowledged how difficult it can be. Or how that difficulty can make us feel inside.
I drive myself hard. Really freaking hard sometimes. I have a chip on my shoulder the size of the former Soviet Union, and I hate to fail more than anything in this world. So I can get a bit carried away from time to time, trying to become the very best at every single freaking thing I do. I get discouraged. I get tired. And I sometimes start to doubt myself.
It happens to the best of us. We all feel it at times. Those days or weeks or even months or years when we wish things could just be easier. When we wish we could maybe coast along for awhile and not have to fight so damn hard every single day. When we kind of want to give up, go home, and watch re-runs of "Yo! MTV Raps" for the remainder of eternity.
It sucks when that happens. It feels really shitty. You might even start to justify giving up. You might think how nice it would feel to lie down and surrender. How peaceful it might be to relax. To relieve yourself the responsibility of your destiny.
My first piece of advice is never to act upon those thoughts. It never feels good to surrender. Giving up feels awful, and you may never forgive yourself if you act upon those thoughts. You may never have that particular chance again. Never give up on something that matters to you. Ever. No matter how difficult it gets.
Instead, my advice is to slow down. Don't stop, but just pump the brakes a little bit. And focus upon gaining perspective. Many times, our situation isn't nearly as off track as it feels. Many times, our perspective is the only thing that needs to be adjusted.
If you're anything like me, you may get so wrapped up in the details of things that you forget about the big picture. And a little bit of perspective is all you'll need to feel like a brand new woman. Things are rarely as jacked up as they seem.
But if you slow down, successfully gain perspective, and you still find that the thing you are fighting for ultimately has little or no value to you, don't hesitate for a single second to move on. Because life is too damn short to be miserable. And moving on is not the same as giving up.
I'm sorry I always make things sound so easy. I know that almost nothing worth accomplishing is actually easy. The struggle and I are intimate friends. But I wear the pants in that relationship most days. And you should, too.
I love you.
Mom
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