Dear Elli,
I think we've done it. We've finally cleared the "terrible 3's". There, I said it. And now I'm sure you will commemorate the occasion by spitting at me. Or throwing yourself down a flight of stairs in a violent rage.
Whatever. Go ahead. I've seen it all over the past year. Except for lately. You've been strangely docile and agreeable. Even sweet. I hope it's not a trick. Are you screwing with me?
I'm serious. Don't screw with me, kiddo. Cause I've been stacking money away in your 529 plan. And I secretly checked the penalty owed in case those funds are needed to cover your future prison commissary in lieu of college tuition. It's not cheap. So don't screw with me.
Anyway. I think we might be safe to resume our dream that you will someday become a productive citizen. But it was close there for awhile. Because everybody says that "two" is terrible. But you proved them wrong. In your case, "three" was worse. Way worse. It was like living with a feral cat. Maybe more like 17 feral cats. 17 pissed off feral cats. All of which would love nothing more than to scratch my eyeballs out. And pee on my bed.
But now it's different. So far, "four" is working out pretty well. I'm digging it. It's like Heaven. And I like Heaven. A lot. And I think you do, too. Because I don't remember the last time you had a total meltdown. Or acted like a fool in public. Or were sent to your room for being a lunatic. The Odom residence has been blissfully quiet. Thank God.
And thank YOU! For growing out of it. Because now I remember why motherhood seemed like such a good idea. And I remember why people enjoy weekends. And evenings. And public places. And family vacations. Because they're fun again. I almost forgot. So thank you.
But I'm not mad. Don't worry. I loved you at "three" just as much as I love you at "four". I'm your mom. That's part of the deal. I didn't make it up. I will love you no matter what. Even if you drive me to insanity. Or pee on my bed. Because I have to. I have no choice. I'm your mom.
But I really hope you stay sweet for awhile. Because I was really exhausted. And even though I love you, that doesn't mean I won't pay you back. So when I'm really old, I think I might pee on your bed.
I love you.
Mom
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