Dear Elli,
Lately there's been lots of talk in the media from several high-powered career women regarding how we should behave in the workplace, and what will make us successful as professional women.
Good Lord! I don't know about you, but I'm confused! One woman currently tells us to "lean in" while another tells us to slow down. Apparently and according to the premise of these arguments, we are all just a giant driving force of estrogen-filled skirt suits and Coach bags that must come together to blast away the glass ceiling.
Give me a break. This pressure makes me tired. I need a nap. And probably a Bud Light.
I've got a better idea. How about we all just do what we want to do? How about we do what makes us feel comfortable as individual human beings?
If you want to work when you grow up, then work. If you don't, then find yourself a rich husband and become a kept woman. If you want to "lean in", then get your lean on. Or lean back. Or lean sideways. I don't really care. Just do something and don't be a degenerate human being. That will make me happy.
You see, my sweet baby girl, you're lucky. I'm lucky too, but you will be even more so. Unless something dreadfully awful happens between now and when you become an adult...you will live in a nation that values equality more than ever before. As I write this letter, our first black President is beginning his second term in office. I have no idea what his legacy will be by the time you read this letter, and I don't care. Regardless, the man made history and the very idea that it is possible for someone of any race to hold such an office makes me proud to live in this great nation. I hope you are proud, too, because someday we will undoubtedly have a female President.
My point is, you will have the luxury of doing what you choose. Please don't feel pressure to blaze a trail for any specific social movement, unless of course you want to. The fact that you are the proud owner of a vagina does not require any particular life decision or involvement in any particular cause.
Maybe I'm incredibly naïve, but I've been able to achieve a modest amount of professional success thus far in my young career. I haven't done it by focusing on myself as the proud owner of a vagina, but rather focusing on myself as the proud owner of an incredible level of intelligence and a phenomenal sense of humor. I'm joking. Kind of.
I'm attempting to make another point. The fact that we are women really bears no relevance to me in my professional life. I realize it matters to some people. Those people don't usually matter very much. They tend to be slow, and it's relatively easy to step around or above them while they marvel about the fact that there is a vagina in the room. (This is an example of my dazzling sense of humor.)
So, is it hard to juggle a career and motherhood and laundry and dinner preparation and swimming lessons? Yes. But it's also a choice. The fact that every day is a circus juggling act is largely irrelevant. Nobody else cares, nor should they. It's my choice.
Does putting you at the top of my priority list affect the progression of my career? Probably. Again, that's my choice and I am perfectly happy with it.
So, the next promotion should absolutely go to the one that puts work on the top of their list, regardless of whether such person is the proud owner of a vagina. I will catch up later. In the meantime, I will kick up a dust cloud at my desk with my quick departure to attend your preschool Valentine's Day party or if I get a call that you are feeling sick. After all, YOU are at the top of my list. You are my most important job.
I love you.
Mom
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