Dear Elli,
I vehemently dislike Valentine's Day. I'm totally serious. I know what you're gonna say. How could anyone with a soul say such a horrible thing, right? It's the day we celebrate love!
Wrong. We celebrate love every day.
Valentine's Day is just annoying. Your dad feels obligated to buy me a card and candy. So then I feel obligated to buy him a card and candy. And we both feel obligated to buy you a card and candy. So now we have a house full of cards and candy that none of us will actually eat and I'll throw it in the trashcan two weeks from now. And to top it off, we also have to eat at a crappy restaurant tonight because there's no way I'm waiting two hours for a table because I hate waiting for anything ever.
I sound like a total jerk. Sometimes I am a total jerk. It's true.
It's not that I don't have a soul full of love and joy and laughter, because I do. You know that. Everyone knows that! I love my family more than anything. I love my friends more than anything. Hell, sometimes I even love total strangers more than anything.
But Valentine's Day sucks the life from my soul.
I think the most soul sucking thing about Valentine's Day for me is mostly the obligation part. I hate obligations unless I am the one who has specifically imposed an obligation upon myself. I do lovely things on my terms. I also do things that aren't lovely on my terms. I do pretty much everything on my terms except taxes.
I like to do lovely things out of the blue, when the feeling strikes me. But when February 14th rolls around every year and the whole world makes me feel obligated to be lovely, I resent that shit. So I don't usually feel like being lovely on February 14th. I'd rather sit on the couch and read a book and be lovely another day. Maybe February 16th or 23rd or even August 17th. But not the day Hallmark and Jared and Godiva and every restaurant in America has its obligation-inducing little mits out expecting me to be lovely.
Even typing these sentences makes me anxious. People will think I'm not lovely because I don't love the day we are obligated to celebrate love! Jesus in heaven help me. I should probably get a Xanax prescription. See what I mean? So much pressure to love because it's February 14th! No wonder some people binge eat ice cream and cry on Valentine's Day.
So here's what I'm gonna do: Pretty much nothing. I will continue to buy you and Dad cards and candy on February 14th because American culture says I'm a monster if I don't. I will also continue to resent that shit every year until I'm dead.
I love you, kid. On February 14th and every other day of every year until I'm dead. And then I'll keep loving you from heaven or hell or wherever they send people who vehemently dislike Valentine's Day.
Mom
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