Dear Elli,
I'm a little irritated today. It must be my period coming. (That was a joke.)
I'm pissed because there are people all over the world who call themselves women. They think that because they live as a female, they should be regarded as women. Just like me.
These females don't have a damn clue what it takes to be a woman.
Now, I have no earthly idea what it's like to be transgender. I don't know how it feels to live in a body I do not identify with. I can only imagine that it must be tremendously difficult. And I truly don't wish to make light of that journey. But that is not the journey to womanhood. That is something else entirely.
In my mind, there is a very big difference between identifying as female and being a woman. And this is where I get sideways with the whole situation. This is where I get a little pissy.
You are female, and so am I. We were born this way, and we've lived as such from the moment we took our first breaths.
I am a woman. You aren't yet, although you will be. And you will earn that title the same way I did. And I'll tell you a bit about our journey.
You are expected, from the moment you begin to understand spoken language, to sit a certain way, smile at everyone, avoid confrontation, speak sweetly, and apologize constantly. You will be told you are cute or pretty when you'd rather be smart or funny or athletic.
The physical journey includes sore breasts, menstrual cramps, razor burn, mood swings, at least one pregnancy scare, yeast infections, birth control side effects, split ends, feet in stirrups for the OBGYN once a year, breast exams, tampons, and UTI's.
Shall I go on?
It includes cat calls on the street, wandering eyeballs, and learning to walk at night with your keys poking between your fingers.
It means always being aware of your surroundings, and learning to expertly identify potential danger by the mere feeling in your gut. You will know almost immediately who you can, and who you must never, be alone with. You will learn to watch out for your girlfriends, and to never let them (or their drinks) be left alone, either.
You will likely have close calls but, God willing, you will learn quickly and without incident just how dangerous the world can be for a woman.
You will, not always but still too often, be assumed to be weaker, dumber, softer, and less reliable. You will sometimes be called crazy when you show emotion, and considered a frigid bitch when you don't.
Being a woman isn't a desire of the soul to reside in a female body. It isn't clothing or makeup or even femininity itself. It is so much more than merely gender.
It's a badge of honor and a professional title. A title consisting of hard-earned experience. Sometimes beautiful, and sometimes painfully ugly. I earned that title, and I'm not sharing. Because someone who hasn't lived every single moment of their life with the same expectations, assumptions, and ideals impressed upon them as I have cannot ever be a woman.
I respect the journey of every person on the planet. My heart breaks for anyone who struggles. But that doesn’t mean my work and experience should be minimized for the sake of someone else's desire to live in my likeness. That's not fair. And it's certainly not how a woman behaves.
If someone wants consideration as a female, that's fine. I will most definitely do that. I will gladly share my gender. But I expect some damn respect for my title and everything that got me here. It's an exclusive group, and there are no invitations.
I love you, little woman. And I will never let anyone minimize your experiences. Or mine.
Mom
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