Dear Elli,
I started working out again recently. I'm turning over a new leaf this year. I'm going to take better care of myself. Mostly because I don't want to die an idiotic early death from living like a slug.
If I'm gonna die too young, it's gonna be from doing something awesome. Like zip lining in the jungle. Not from contracting high blood pressure and stroking out on the toilet one morning when I'm 45. Because that would be a really uncool way to die.
Anyway, it's been a long time since I've seriously worked out. I've spent some time running on a treadmill. And some more time messing around in a weight room. And, sure, I got stronger and felt better. But that crap is boring. And I never stick to it because it's so freaking boring it makes me want to die.
So I switched it up this time. I'm doing this crazy ass thing called P90X3. It's basically 90 days of awesomeness combined with being plunged into the most horrific depths of hell. It's super fun but also really freaking hard. The first two workouts almost made me puke. I'm sure I looked super hot gagging in my sweat pants while hanging from a pull up bar in the laundry room. Did that give you a disturbing mental image? Good, cause that's exactly what I was going for.
But this whole almost puking thing got me excited. Not because I'm a weirdo who likes to puke, but because it makes me know with absolute certainty that this crazy ass workout routine is gonna work. And the sore muscles are more evidence, although the word "sore" is an understatement.
My quads feel like someone smacked them with a meat cleaver a few times each. I cannot even sit on the toilet without either crying or using my arms to lower myself slowly to a sitting position.
And my armpits hurt. I didn't know I had armpit muscles, but I clearly do. Because they hurt. It's kind of hard to put a shirt on right now. And even harder to take it off.
I realize this doesn't sound pleasant. But I swear, it's great! I'm totally gonna rock this thing. And then I'm going to take my "after" picture and get a free T-shirt. Because there's nothing like a free T-shirt to get me all motivated. That, along with the "before'" shot I made your father take of me in a bikini while forcing myself not to flex or suck anything in. Just a side note....I'm totally flexing in my "after" shot.
I love you. And I promise I won't stroke out on the toilet one morning when I'm 45. I'll take better care of myself. Because you'll be leaving for college when I'm 45. And I fully plan on partying like a rock star when that happens.
Mom
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